Fighting to Live

She cries,

“Why am I trying to give

When no one gives me a try?

Why am I trying to live

If I’m just living to die”

Young girl

Beautiful,

Breathtaking 

I noticed a huge insecurity from a mile

She smiled in disguise

She smiled as if everything was fine

I see past her smile, there is pain in her eyes

I sit her down and say,

“It’s okay you can confide in me and cry

I look at you and I see a younger me

Lost in world but lived worldly 

That’s why no beautiful smile can ever past me 

I feel your pain and I know it’s not easy, but believe me 

There are brighter day you’ll see…”

She cuts me off and says that I don’t understand 

Confused and puzzled like why are you telling me this

Eventually she opened up a tad bit

Her: “There’s more to this pain then just a “man”

I’m fighting each day for a life that I feel that’s not worth living 

Why am I trying to give

When no one gives me a try?

Why am I trying to live

If I’m just living to die

I’ve been diagnosed 

I’m sick and broken how could this be when I KNOW that I HAVE GREATER PURPOSE everyone just sees me as this happy person

I’m stressed and confused and I don’t know what to do 

Believe me this isn’t easy to live with

I try to talk to those closest, they cut me off and say nothing

Alone I feel, that’ why it’s hard to open up you feel.. me now?

At home in my room with a FULL HOUSE too and yet still no one to talk to.”

I looked at her and smiled right through her eyes

Hugged her in time just before she started to cry

I could tell she hasn’t had one of those in a long time

It was a cry for a help and I thought to myself, there is nothing I can do for this young lady 

Instead to offer my time, love, affection and support 

Something she’s been missing for years

By the tone of her voice and her eye contact was at a bare minimum

I wanted to help her so bad, but didn’t know how

I thought to myself let me show her, her authentic self

Encourage her each day, even offer my house to stay 

Anything to make sure she was more than just okay

To help her know that she is loved and she will loved, true love starts from within and God is LOVE

That he would never leave his children astray, 

I proudly can say that God has brought me through a MAZE 

I say this to say that God will have you AMAZED

I promise that you will genuinely smile again, laugh again and love again

God is not man that he shall lie

So trust him and accept me as I didn’t stop by to simply say “Hi”

That there was more to this interaction then just a hi 

But to be your physical cheerleader and your support through this hard time which I will add is a blessing in disguise.

Don’t you ever hesitate to call me

Anything you need I will supply

You have gained a sister

A sister in Christ

And together sis, I want to see you Shine and see you Rise

and let us prove that the Devil is a lie

I promise you’ll be just fine

It’s the process of hardship that will allow you to live a beautiful life.

 

Until The End of Time

Take these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
So I can fly away, till the end of time..

Life keeps going

Cars keep driving 

Life is happening 

When one dies, another life rises

Love me

Love her

Love him

While they’re still here 

Instead of paying your last respects in uncontrollable tears

Meanwhile she’s alive and she hasn’t flashed a smile in a long while
Her attitude got her walking’ solo, ride out alone in her lo-lo
Watching the whole world move in slow-mo

For quiet times she disappears, and listens to the ocean

It’s the sound of the waves and the sky with those piercing clouds that keep her going

Conversations with the Father, the most high 

Who tells her,

“Concentrate, and keep going 

Reflect and look at all that you’ve done, closer to your dreams and I your Father am not done

You’re doing a taste of all that you said wanted to do, don’t you ever forget that my word is true, I give you all of what your heart desires and even better than what you’d ever expect

So my child you’re having trouble accepting, accepting a lot of which is no good, just stand still and be patient, follow my lead, my guidance and you will just be fine.”

She opens her eyes, the tears have dried and tells herself she will be just fine! Moving forward with peace, love and happiness she chooses to focus on those whom love and respect her back and appreciates her presence she considers those people in her life a blessings now these are tears of acceptance

Love.

Touched by an Angel

Silence, please be quiet!

The only thing she knew was how to be silent

When it all falls down

It falls in rackets 

All she knew was how to be silent

Head filled with voices whispering

you can’t do it, and you’ll never get through it’

Everything seems so loud, she was not proud

All she could ever ask was, how?

It was a battle her mind was after 

“Pick me up,

Hold me up,

Pick yourself up you need to find yourself, love

Love, (self love)

Love (first love)

Love (what is the true meaning of love?)

Heart has been broken more than enough not only by ex lovers but from her loved ones of which they share the same blood

Forgive (them without apology)

Forgive (them)

Forgive (yourself)

She’s falling, she falling drained and can’t find her calling

She closed her eyes fell asleep

Breathed life

Repeat,

Sleep and eat 

Not to mention she had to brush her teeth, take a shower to remain clean

This was her usual routine towards mid year two thousand seventeen and all of two thousand eighteen

Mid December is when she started to remember who she was meant to be

She was touched by an angel helping her up when she was in need 

She waited too long

 Was getting impatient she hated waiting

She finally decided to let go and let God take it.

Remained obedient

Remained humble

Remembering that what good that may be coming her way may all go down in crumbles

If she fumbles once more

Being touched by an angel was the cure 

Her cries out

Long nights, hugging her pillow at night tears falling from each side 

Talking to herself out loud because she didn’t know who to call on to confide

Having flashback on how bad he lied, crying inside while smiling on the out 

Pretending she was fine,

Lies,

Lies,

Lies 

All throughout her life

This angel was there even when her vision wasn’t clear 

Now her eyes are wide open 

Blessed with wisdom, understanding and knowledge 

What was once damaged, she shouts;

“A new days has come 

The light has shone 

The reveal of the revelation

No more temptation 

No more complaining

Forever grateful for this angel”

And the many many angels by her side during her rough time

Dark nights turned into happy days

All she continues to pray is let peace reign and allow your children to remain sane and when it all falls down they won’t shy away to call on your name 

So that you can dispatch the angels on their way.